Quicunque

One of the nice things about having been spending less time online lately, is that I've been doing more of the kind of things I used to do before I became so heavily involved in alternate realities. I've watched a handful of movies, even read an entire book! *gasps*. I've started a scrapbook too. Okay, so maybe that's a girly thing to do, but since when has that bothered me? Besides - Thomas Jefferson and Mark Twain made scrapbooks, and I'm reliably informed he-man Brendan Fraser does too, so what's good enough for them.... *chuckles*.

There are a few other things I've resolved to do this year as part of my mission to get a life - not New Years Resolutions, you understand, as those are simply made to be broken. These are more like personal goals. I want to get back into photography, visiting museums and galleries - nothing especially new or dynamic, just stuff I used to do, little pleasures I lost sight of.

One thing I really, really hate is some overbearing and patronising mini-autocrat with an over-inflated ego and superior attitude, presuming to try and "organise" me as if I were some moronic child or mindless sheep *takes a deep breath*. Yep, bossy wide-mouthed people who think they know what's best for everyone just get my fur standing straight up like a bogbrush, and after that it doesn't matter what they're trying to organise me to do - I'm already feeling negative and will dig my heels in like a sullen mule. My partner says I'm just perverse and contrary *smiles sweetly*.

Well, I feel like I'm surrounded by these people lately, both at work and at play. At work, I'm paid to bite my tongue and put up with it, and the bastards are a safe enough distance away that I can't poke their eyes out with a pointy stick. And at play? Well, I was brought up too nicely for this world, so I still bite my tongue as much as I can *spits out the blood*. I wish I had the micro-cojones to take up embroidery instead though....

You know that old joke about "You Know You've Been Online Too Long If...someone tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud"? Weeeell..... today I did it. *looks sheepish*

My beloved phoned me to let me know he'd been held up at work and would be late. I was making curry at the time I picked the phone up, and concentrating hard.

"I'm going to be late," he said, "I hope you're not cooking anything special."

"Lol," I said absent-mindedly.

There was a long pause the other end of the line, then he said rather waspishly, "Did you just say what I though you said?"

Yeah... *sighs* I'm afraid I did. But he deserves it for making me spoil the curry.

The more I see of self-appointed spokespeople expounding about a certain site they don't actually have a fucking clue about, the more I have to laugh ironically.

You see -- this site they don't normally deign to participate in isn't, as they imply, simply an inferior version of their prefered but temporarily unavailable option. It's a living place with its own particular flavour and 'culture', and its own regular and loyal community who love and appreciate it. Contrary to what these 'experts' preach, they would be doing it no favours by invading and trying to imposing their own cliques and conceptions on it.

In fairness, I have no doubt that many of the recent visitors see nothing patronising or hypocritical about using this ordinarily maligned community as a make-do refuge in their time of deprivation - after all, most of them make no pretense otherwise. But I'd like to think that maybe one or two of these tourists will arrive without force-fed preconceptions, without the need to compare our community with another, with an enquiring and open mind and a preparedness to participate instead of preach.

If they do, they may well be pleasantly surprised by what they find. And one or two such people would be so much more valuable than an influx of refugees who just want to rebuild in their own likeness.

Addictions... ah yes. You know how it is - you think you must surely die if deprived of the object of your addiction. It's all you can think or talk about. You're gnawing your nails and counting the moments until you can indulge it again. You can't possibly imagine a life without your addiction, especially as you know so many who share in it, and really- what else do you have in common with most of them except that shared compulsion?

And then the thing you dread the most actually happens. Something occurs that prevents you getting your fix...

And you realise something. That it had ceased to be a real addiction a long, long time ago, without you even noticing it. Something had soured your love affair with it, and it had become nothing more than mere habit. Something that you had clung to even when many of your friends had given it up or fallen victim to it. Something you had simply been assuming you were still too passionate about to ever willingly give up (that's what you told everyone, after all!), and you never questioned yourself if that was strictly true any longer. Why should you?

After a remarkably short while, instead of actively missing your addiction, you feel a sneaking and unexpected sense of freedom and purpose, because once you lift a dependence out of the equation, everything else rearranges itself into new focus. You see all the other pleasures you hadn't valued enough because you were too fixated on a habit that had ceased to be a pleasure itself. And sometimes, you realise in time just how much that addiction was harming you and wonder why you never had the guts to quit it a year ago, when you knew you should.

For the record, I had my last cigarette 4 months, 5 days ago.

This year, I'll only be making ones I have a vague chance of sticking to...

1. Eat chocolate everyday.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read more smut.
4. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
5. Get in a whole new rut.
6. Learn how to swear in different languages.
7. Go on long ego trips.
8. Remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month.
9. Take up a new habit, maybe smoking!
10. So many men, so little time. Make more time.