While I was buying a pint of milk in the Supermarket from Hell earlier today, I spotted a display stand of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides DVDs. I realised that not only was it the first PotC film I hadn’t seen in the cinema then promptly preordered my own copy and awaited eagerly, but I hadn’t even realised it was out on DVD already. Even having spotted it, I didn’t buy it, and I haven’t even added it to my rental list yet. That’s how interested I am in it.

I think my love affair with Captain Jack Sparrow and his brand of whimsical piratical farce is over, without me ever noticing it.

Part of the reason is that while PotC 1 was fresh, funny and charming, PotC 2 was merely okay and PotC 3 was frankly a bore (except for Chow Yun-fat, but they killed his character off). Even the presence of Penelope Cruz, whom I adore, and the absence of Lollipop Knightley and Woodentop Bloom wasn’t enough to stir any enthusiasm in my jaded little soul for another dance round the same old merry-go-round. I am dismayed to hear that Depp is eager for a PotC 5… and 6… and 101.

Actually, I think I may be tired of pirates in general. I do love a good rogue, but anything that become ubiquitous and over-popularised and copied ad nauseam quickly gets tired, and I think that’s what’s happened for me here. It was just the same with vampires. I couldn’t stand the undead little fuckers even before Twilight and its plethora of teen fodder imitators blighted our cultural lives*.

I’m already looking ahead for something new and unexplored, for the next archetype that will set my pulse racing. I need a hero! He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight. It would help if he was gay, and rich, and liked cats.

*Apologies to certain awesome vampires of my acquaintance, who are lively, inventive and complex enough to be worthy exceptions to my rule. They also have short tempers and a very painful bite.